Monday, April 17, 2017

Why don't you QUIT?

A few weeks back, I was speaking with a close friend of mine who is expecting her first baby. It was one of those days at work when I was feeling particularly restless and I took the liberty of cribbing to her about my life in general and my job in particular. As the conversation drifted from Indian corporate scenario to work-life balance to children to guilt, she asked me- "why don't you quit?".
 
In the last three years, since my daughter was born, I have been asked this question many times- by others and by my own concious. Also, I have asked this question to many other working women, just as my friend asked me. Typically, like most other women, my answer depends on who is asking the question-

- Rich Relatives- "I love my job"- Yeah, I am that type.
- Poor Relatives- "For money"- Because that's what it's all about.
- Colleagues- "Ambition"- Better watch out!!
- Close Relatives, Parents- "Independence"
- Younger People- "I worked hard for this"- and so should you!
- Mean mommies- "I can never spend my life sitting at home"- I have better things to chase than primary school admissions.
- When I need to make some sort of impression- "Women's rights, better world, set example for my daughter..blah blah"
 
However, when a close friend who is nearly an extension of your own being and who knows you well enough to know better, asks you a question like this, you have to be honest. And honestly, I have no idea.
 
I don't "love" my job, definitely not as much as I love my daughter. I don't need to work for money. I was never very "ambitious" and it is not something that drives me on a day to day basis. Maybe I want to be independent but I can be financially secure even if I quit. Also, being a "corporate slave" doesn't exactly define independence for me. I am definitely not big on feminism, women's rights and stuff like that. I don't wish my life to be a statement for any kind of cause. I just want to be happy.
 
So I don't know why I work and I truly believe that I am not alone. Having known many working mothers who struggle with the same questions everyday as I do, I know I am not alone. We are a community of women who don't "love" what they do, who don't need to work for money and who don't work for a cause and yet we work.
 
After much deliberation, I have realised that I work because I pretty much suck at everything else. I'd rather negotiate contracts than negotiate with my maids. But for many other women, I think the answer lies somewhere between conditioning and desire for "respect". With the changing gender roles, women of our generation have been told by their mothers, teachers, employers, feministas and every other women in this world, that in order to gain "respect", they need to work. Our role models are Sheryl Sandberg and Indra Nooyi and not Kara Kennedy and Ann Romney. We celebrate women who work and trash women who quit. We have been fed by books, social media, peers and pretty much everyone in our social set up that we are fighting a war and in order to win, we need to work.
 
While I agree that their are millions of women who want to work and can't do so due to social stigmas, I believe that there is also an increasing number of women who may want to quit but are too embarassed to admit it, even to themselves, because their self-worth is completely interlinked with their jobs. In our attempt to eliminate "discrimination" against women, have we started "dicriminating" against certain life choices? In our fight to be "equal", are we establishing that some of us are more "equal"? Are we fighting for our individuality or are we losing it to others' ideas of individualism?
 
I don't have the answers but I do wish that when my daughter grows up, she feels respected and celebrated, whether she choses to work or not.
 
 
 
 



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